Get Clear about What Success Means to You

Do you tend to postpone your happiness for the future, linking it to the achievement of a goal, milestone or desired situation? But will success in achieving what we want really make you happy? What about the journey towards the goal? Is it worth feeling miserable for months or even years, for a few moments of happiness after success? The more stressful and negative your journey, the less likely you are to be happy when you achieve the goal. 

What is the solution? Let's look at what research has demonstrated about the relationship between happiness and success first.  

Studies on the relationship between happiness and career success carried out by Lisa C. Walsh, Julia K. Boehm, and Sonja Lyubomirsky in 2018 pinpointed that happiness increases career success. This happiness doesn't have to be natural; it can be created by experimentally enhancing positive emotions. This means that you can generate more positive emotions using intentional actions, making yourself feel happier, and this will contribute to greater career success. 

We conclude that the evidence continues to persuasively suggest that happiness is correlated with and often precedes career success, and that experimentally enhancing positive emotions leads to improved outcomes in the workplace.
Walsh et al., 2018

The relationship is two-directional. Your happiness increases success, and greater success in turn increases your happiness. If you feel unhappy throughout the journey, it is less likely that you will be happy when you achieve success, or the happiness will be short-lasting. 

Lack of clarity is a killer of happiness. Success is a rather vague notion. What does it mean to you to be successful in your career or life? Do you have your customised definition of success? 

The word success has many internal and external aspects attached. Society influences our concept of success. We attach certain emotions to the word success, whether we talk about our own or other people's success.

The dictionary definitions of success are:

"the accomplishment of an aim or purpose" or

"the achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted".

If your definition of success is based on this, for example, you consider yourself successful when you achieve your goal. This might mean that you are not successful while working towards your goal; you become successful only when you achieve your goal. This approach can easily lead to considering yourself a failure, especially if it takes a long time to achieve your goal. You can experience this disempowering feeling each time you encounter a setback, when your action does not bring the desired result, or when it takes longer to achieve your goal than initially planned. 

Of course, the feeling of being successful can be reinforced by achieving previous goals if you celebrate them and acknowledge your contribution and merits to achieving them. This might not last long, especially if your journey is full of difficulties and setbacks, and your self-confidence is low. If you haven't achieved a previous goal, the tendency to consider yourself a failure or that success always eludes you will increase due to the negative experience. You can set intermediary goals or milestones and celebrate their achievement. If you also tend to tie your happiness to success, you forge yourself a life full of disappointment, dissatisfaction and misery. 

According to Jim Rohn,

"Success is steady progress toward one's personal goals."

What is success? To be able to go to bed every night with your soul at peace.

Your soul is at peace because you have done everything in your power to achieve what you desire during the day. Peace of mind and being satisfied that you've done your best to get closer to what you want are two important ingredients of happiness. When you feel happy, you have more energy, focus and motivation to do what it takes to achieve success. You are happy on the journey, and you are more likely to accomplish your goal, which will enhance your happiness. 

Never postpone your joy and happiness until the moment you achieve something important. Live fully every day. Enjoy the steps you take toward your goal and acknowledge and celebrate small results on the way to success. Be grateful for what you have already achieved. Let every day be a success because you have done something to achieve what you desire and got one step closer to it, or because you have learnt something that will help you to achieve your goal. This latter element requires some self-reflection to learn from your experiences and mistakes.

In this way, success and happiness become a way of existence and a way of thinking. You can celebrate yourself and your small achievements every day, knowing that what you did during the day took you a small step closer to your big goal. You'll have reasons to be satisfied and grateful every day. This will motivate you to take continuous action, increase your self-confidence and self-esteem, and fill your daily life with joy, satisfaction and fulfilment.

However, this approach could present you with a trap. You could also become complacent and not accomplish your goal because you already feel successful when performing tasks you enjoy and being in good company at work. This approach might lengthen the time to achieve your goal and, after a while, turn happiness into dissatisfaction, stress and other negative emotions.

Furthermore, you could also consider an old definition of success dating back to the 15th century, when success also meant "the good or bad outcome of an undertaking". In this way, even if some of your daily actions have not produced the expected outcome, you would not get into negative self-talk and consider that you failed in any way because the action did not result in the expected outcome. You can reframe your point of view and consider that you found a way of action that does not work and thus have learnt something for the future. If you do not repeat the same mistake in the future, it is one kind of success because you developed your skills and expertise. When in such a situation, think about Thomas A. Edison, who was famous for never giving up in his search for the construction of the electric light bulb. He tried over 10,000 versions that did not work until he found the right one. But he said: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work.". You can apply the same approach when something doesn't work out. It is not the real result or event, but the meaning you attach to it that shapes your way of thinking, emotions and actions and ultimately how successful and happy you feel in life. 

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work."
Thomas A. Edison

Another important aspect of success is your mindset. Dr Joyce Brothers' definition of success expresses the importance of your way of thinking and mindset. 

Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success. 
Dr Joyce Brothers

Your thoughts, beliefs and points of view determine your attitude, feelings, behaviour and actions. For example, if you believe you are a failure and keep repeating it to yourself, you will become a failure. If you think that every small result represents success, you reinforce your belief that you are a successful person and are capable and worthy of success. These beliefs will increase your self-confidence and shape your attitude, behaviour and actions to support you in achieving your goal. Which of the two approaches do you believe will foster your happiness?

Winston Churchill said, "Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm." When you rephrase a failure as a learning event and opportunity for growth, and learn from your negative experience or result, you can regard this learning process as a success. Growing through your own effort is an important factor of happiness, too.

Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.
Winston Churchill

I would like to bring here another definition that might inspire you. Margaret Thatcher considered success as 

a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose.

Also consider what gives you joy and makes you happy. How do you contribute to other people's lives, to your closer or larger community and environment? When you see a higher purpose behind your goals and actions, a contribution to something bigger, more people's lives or a community's advancement, you feel more motivated, satisfied and fulfilled and experience more joy and happiness. 

Do not forget that your definition of success depends only on you and belongs to you. It doesn't matter what society considers as success or what the dictionary or social media influencers tell you success is. You are not accountable to anyone for your definition of success except yourself. Therefore, choose a definition that supports your motivation, increases your self-confidence and belief in your abilities to achieve your goal and helps you enjoy the activities you deploy and feel fulfilled, satisfied and happy while you work towards your goal. 

Do a self-reflection exercise to establish your definition of success:

• Journal about when you felt successful. Collect the different experiences and results when you really felt the taste of success. Describe your feelings in detail.
• How did you feel during your journey towards an accomplished goal? Were you happy while working on your goal? Did you experience joy, satisfaction and fulfilment when you performed most of the necessary tasks?
• How did you feel and what did you tell yourself when you made a mistake, had a setback or negative result?
• What did you enjoy doing? What was and is important to you?
• How did your activities and the success contribute to living on purpose and the achievement of your life vision?
• How could you reflect these in your definition of success?
• Analyse the common elements of the different situations and assemble your definition of success based on your previous experiences.
• Are you satisfied with this definition?
• Does it help you to feel motivated, confident and ready to surmount any difficulties in your journey towards your goal and feel joy, satisfaction and fulfilment?

If not, reformulate your definition so that it keeps you focused on

• what you want to achieve,
• what motivates you to take daily action in that direction with ease and joy while you improve your skills and grow as a person, and
• what makes you happy. 

When you finish the definition, put it away for a few days and forget about it. Let it rest. After 3 days or even a week, read your definition aloud. How do you feel about it? Would it motivate you to take action? If necessary, make further adjustments. Then journal every evening about your daily experience, having in mind your definition of success and how you feel during the day. 

Also consider the following elements:

• What changes do you need to make to live and take action according to your definition?
• What limiting beliefs do you need to clear?
• How do you need to change your way of thinking and your points of view?
• What changes in attitude and behaviour are necessary?