Increase Your Happiness with Internal Changes

How can we find happiness? What can we do to be happier in life? These are the questions the hero of Laurent Gounelle's novel "The Man Who Wanted to Be Happy" must answer when the last week of his holiday in Bali turns into a quest for happiness.

Review of Laurent Gounelle's book, "The Man Who Wanted to Be Happy, Hay House Visions, 2012

Laurent Gounelle is a personal development specialist and internationally renowned best-selling fiction author. In his novels, he takes his heroes and readers on exciting growth journeys about happiness, living in the present, intuition, etc.

The motto given to his novel "The Man Who Wanted to Be Happy" is Buddha's reflection on the influence of our thoughts on the world we experience: 

We are what we think… With our thoughts, we make our world.
Buddha

The hero of the novel, the unhappy schoolteacher Julian, spends his holiday on the island of Bali. In principle, he has everything to be happy, but he isn't. He would like a partner, but he is convinced that women don't like him. One week before the end of his holiday, Julian visits a famous local healer, although he doesn't have any physical complaints. After the consultation, the healer concludes that his body is healthy, but his problem is in his head: he doesn't feel well in his body. 

Julian agrees to attend a daily session with the healer during the last week of his holiday and learns about the origins of his beliefs, their impact on his life, and how to change them.

The novel presents a coaching process, so we also gain insight into the conditions for successful coaching. No change occurs if the person participating in the coaching does not commit to the process and complete the agreed-upon and accepted tasks. The master asks questions or proposes practical tasks that Julian often finds uncomfortable, and he is reluctant to carry out some of the tasks.

Julian does not complete the "homework" he was given on the first day, and he is surprised when the teacher hits on the truth with his first question: he felt he had something to lose if he completed the task. In this particular case, he would have lost his illusions about one of his favourite actresses. And that would have been too painful for him, so it was easier to find an excuse. Later, there are also tasks that he does not complete, but in this case, he honestly tells the teacher why he did not do them. And the day before he leaves, he makes up for all the unfinished tasks.

Julian learns that if his self-image is bad, others will see him as he believes himself to be. To quote the Master, "Whether a man's self-image is good or bad, his behaviour will reflect it. Whether it's true or not, if we keep on telling something, people will believe it, and sooner or later it becomes reality for them and for us."

He also learns that "Everything we think about reality, about the world around us, acts as a kind of filter, a selective lens, so that we only notice the details that support our beliefs…" Although our beliefs help us interpret reality, they are not reality, they are not facts, and "we should not judge [them], but see the consequences."

When he doesn't dare to refuse a local sweet speciality even though he doesn't like it, because he doesn't want to offend his host, he also learns that 

It's never the content that's offensive, but the form, the wording. It's never offensive to thank someone for their kindness and then refuse them in this way. And if the other person feels offended, that's their problem, not yours.

During the week, he makes quick progress toward creating a new future for himself.

• He creates his vision for the future and realises that the life he's lived so far has nothing to do with what he really wants.
• He lets go of his fear that his family won't love him anymore because he doesn't live the way they want him to.
• He learns to ask for help and realises that most people are helpful, not dismissive.
• He recognises his own limiting beliefs and learns how the belief that "you can't do something" develops in a person.
• He plans the first steps he needs to take to achieve the future he wants.
• After sacrificing $600 to return home a day later, Julian also learns the ultimate secret from the master, that "Sometimes you have to choose and give up something you hold on to for the sake of something more important. …If you don't give up anything, you never choose. And if you don't choose, you will never live your own life."

The above is just a taste of Julian's one-week self-discovery and change process. The book should not be read as a novel; rather, each exercise should be completed and reflected on, with attention to how the wisdom presented manifests in your own life and what changes its application can bring.

Finally, one last piece of wisdom from the book: 

We live successfully when we live according to our desires, always act in accordance with our own value system, do everything to the best of our ability, live in harmony with ourselves, and if possible, live a life in which we can surpass ourselves, make sacrifices for others, and do something for humanity with infinite humility, no matter how small.