Stop Complaining About Your Work and Life to Be Happier

Do you go home and complain about your work to your family? Occasionally, do you have a "complaint session" with your colleagues about everything you think isn't working at your workplace? Do you complain to others about events, circumstances, the government, your health, etc.? If you want to increase your satisfaction at work and in life and be happier, stop complaining.  

A complaint is an expression of displeasure, and it is a common part of our daily conversations, whether we complain to others or others complain to us.

According to a few psychologists, complaining has some positive effects, such as reducing stress and dissipating negative feelings about a situation when used as venting. However, these positive effects appear only if you do not keep complaining about the same situation to everyone you meet. Talking about a negative event to someone you trust can help release the accumulated "steam", cool down and start looking for solutions. But if you keep complaining about the same situation, the benefits of venting disappear, and you and your environment will experience only the negative consequences of complaining. If you repeat this action over and over, complaining becomes a habit, and you might become a chronic complainer. You should not be surprised when people start avoiding your company.
Another argument for the positive effects of complaining is that it can lead to finding a solution to a problem. If a customer files a complaint with a company, the issue will most likely be solved. If you complain to the right person about a negative situation, the situation might be improved. For example, if you complain about a lack of resources to your boss, you may get the missing resources if your boss understands your point. However, instead of complaining, it is better to be straightforward and point out the problem, suggest a solution or ask for what you need. 

Positive psychologist Martin Seligman, the "father" of positive psychology, has a different opinion on complaining. According to him, venting is not only accepted but even encouraged in Western society's culture, but he considers complaining harmful to happiness and well-being in any dose. 

Complaining has many negative effects on your mood and results. The most important are:

• When you complain or only listen to others complaining, your brain is negatively affected, and your creativity and problem-solving abilities decrease. A 1996 Stanford University study demonstrated that 30 minutes of complaining or being complained to shrinks your brain. It affects the part of the brain called the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and the brain's problem-solving functions. (See "Complaining is Bad for Your Brain!")
• Too much complaining might cause health problems. Complaining increases the level of a stress hormone called cortisol in your body. If this is maintained at a high level for a very long time, it can cause a series of health problems such as heart problems, digestive problems, high blood pressure, sleep problems, etc. (See "Complaining Is Bad for Your Health According to Science").
• Complaining deteriorates your mood. The more you complain, the more pessimistic you become.
• Complaining damages your relationships. Although many people like to complain, it is also true that they are not very happy being complained to. So, if you start to be seen as a chronic complainer, people will do everything to avoid you or spend as little time as possible with you.
• Complaining also shifts your focus from what is important and positive to negative elements, or even factors you cannot control, influence or change. The problem is that complaining keeps your focus on these negative elements, but it doesn't help you find a solution because you get emotionally involved. The more you complain, the worse it gets, and you start feeling like a victim of circumstances and the people around you, and you get caught in a negative emotional spiral. You can say goodbye to any hope of happiness. Changing jobs won't help because there is no such thing as a perfect job. If you are a chronic complainer, you will find things to complain about at any workplace. The same is true about changing places, for example, a house, a city or a country. 

If you want to be happier at work and in life in general, get rid of the habit of complaining. Here are a few tips on how to do it:

• Track your complaining habits for a few weeks. You will most likely realise you complain more than you think.
• When you notice you start complaining, stop and turn your attention to something positive in that situation. Be grateful for something. Say a positive affirmation. This will shift your emotional state.
• When you are in a group and others start complaining, either shift the conversation to finding a solution or to another topic, or leave the group. Although complaining is an excellent way to create social bonds, don't use it to build relationships with your colleagues.
• Look at the reasons why you complain repeatedly. For example, do you want to be like other members of your team? Do you want to create social bonds? Do you want a problem solved and you hope the complaint will make someone take action? What other behaviours or actions could lead to achieving the expected result?
• Take note of the things you complain about. Are they under your control? Can you influence them? If you can't do anything, accept it as part of reality and ask yourself how you can still achieve your goals given the circumstances. If you can do something about it, figure out what you should do and take action. Find people who can help and support you because they want the same issue solved. If you can't take action, point out the problem to the responsible person and suggest a solution, if you can. Depending on the problem or situation, take the action that your position, abilities and capabilities make possible.